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20 aprile The Girl and Woman in meA friend asked me whether I was a girl or a woman, I questioned first his reason for asking and second, my reason for answering, both. Some days, truth be told, I just don’t know.
I am girl when I smile and say nothing even though my brain is screaming.
I am woman about how I budget, what I decide to chuck and keep. I am woman when I ask hard questions and refuse to accept easy answers. I am woman about texture and color and touch. I am a girl when I break down and cry. I am a woman when I kiss. I am both when I laugh. I am both when I fall in love. It is one of the hardest most difficult things about growing up and getting old. Trying to fit into one or the other. Choosing one over the other. I actually get nervous about one day defining myself completely as woman. Will there be no more mess and pink? Will I have to be perfect and know everything? More responsibility and resolution? Will there be less space for me be messy? Should there always be a bit of girl lingering inside of us, regardless of how much growing up we are forced to do? I have mixed emotions about 'graduating' from girlhood and becoming a woman. On certain days, that's all I want. But then there's those moments when I can think of nothing else but cuddling up in my childhood bed, with my mummy sitting on the side rubbing my back, telling me everything will be just fine. Right now, I experience both feminine qualities. I love the playfulness and innocence of being a girl and the sensual, strong, determination of being a woman. Confused? Not really. We are all inherently contradictory. Then again should girl be the opposite of woman? 31 marzo I admit that there's still more...(1) I love making fun of people, including myself.
(2) I don’t always cry but when I do, I really do. (3) I laugh at the silliest downright stupidest jokes.
(4) I forgive but I sometimes can’t forget. (5) I get stage fright.
(6) I high-five people all the time. (7) I’m a very loyal friend. I will fight for my friends til the end.
(8)I have curves like real, beautiful women do.
(9) I sometimes don’t write about things that I know are painfully true. It only makes things truer. Why subject yourself to more pain? (10) I am always complimented for smelling good. Damn right! (11) I enjoy being outside, just not in the cold.
(12)I admit that I dislike some people. (13)I have evolved so much in the past years. It helps that you really meet kind, generous and loving people in this sometimes mad world. It helps that you become very good friends with them. (14)I am a very lucky gal. (15)I really am Superwoman. 26 marzo The future would have to write itselfI am currently cultivating a relationship in the present . Being in my twenties is being young, though really I think it won't feel that way until I am older. Forty will be young when I look back from sixty. How do you then blend the desperation of getting ahead as fast as you can with the luxury of time? But is there another choice that would offer an option of happiness?NOW now now. Do not get me wrong. I am not one of those people who thrive on emo-ness. I am not depressed, I am not sad nor miserable. I am happy, even over the moon. But am I content? Having everything in front of me may look good but in my reality, it can also be damn paralyzing. Imagine, if I feel contentment now that I am really growing up(I wish you’d seen me type that statement) To make each and everything damn better. That still elusive and unachievable goal- I adore you. I love the pain hard work gives me. 08 marzo 我的真的受伤了 My dreams are very revealing and seriously, it scares me most of the time. Also, I like being at home, chilling, reading and doing nothing. People are surprised to know that I LOVE THE COUNTRY! I really do and though I love the city, I like quiet places. I sometimes FADE AWAY and get outta the loop. There are times when I get so bored of the scene that I tend to stay at home, or do stuff alone. That's how I've always been, and I guess that's how I'll always be. I love my friends (you know who you are) and I am not going to waste my time with people I know I don't have anything in common with. I am TOO nice most of the time, and though I believe in giving other people chances, once I get really hurt, then I'll just be gone without a trace. I am also very, very, very quiet. I observe and listen a lot-but I can also be very LOUD and NOISY! Especially when I am laughing! I can laugh like there's no tomorrow and I laugh at the smallest things! I love my family (especially my niece and my grandma) and the people who've become like family to me. I like a man who can make me laugh and teach me a few things. I like a man who can take control and take care of me. I guess that's just the way I trust. I beam when I love. I like knowing that there's a hand I can hold and a forehead I can kiss before I sleep. I'm such a romantic at heart, and I still have faith that there's someone out there who will be crazy about me as much as I am with him. Last but certainly not the least, I'm blessed because my family and close friends are the world's greatest people ever. 13 ottobre He sings for me when I ask----San Franciscoif you're going to san francisco be sure to wear some flowers in your hair if you're going to san francisco you're gonna meet some gentle people there for those who come to san francisco summertime will be a love-in there in the streets of san francisco gentle people with flowers in their hair all across the nation such a strange vibration people in motion there's a whole generation with a new explanation people in motion people in motion for those who come to san francisco be sure to wear some flowers in your hair f you come to san francisco summertime will be a love-in there if you come to san francisco summertime will be a love-in there 23 settembre The best list I've made it---HE He wakes me up with that big smile every morning.
He makes me laugh. He listens. his eyes. He treats me like i am a princess. He actually talks. He kisses me at night when i am in bed He waits for me when i shower. He understands my thoughts (or at the very least, tries to). his second/third day stubble. He accepts me for who and what i am but also sees the potential in me. He sings for me when i ask him to!(San Francisco) He wants me to always walk next to him. . He notices everything. He orders the best food.(ALL best restaurants we've done) He waits for me when i am having hair done. He buys me ice cream and "expensive water ". He looks at me like i am the only person in the room. He calls me "korean chinese girl" or" sweet girl" " little angle" He is patient with me. He wants to do things right.his determination. He finishes my food. "No means No" his quotable quotes.his sweet kisses.. He eats everything i give him. (lemon in korean restaurant where i gave him) He is vocal about his feelings.i think he actually really adores me. He inspires me do the right thing, or the best thing for me (and not for other people). He hugs me all the time. He scoops me in the morning. He puts his arms around me when he thinks i am still asleep. He tiptoes when he thinks i am asleep He talks to me like i am a 5 year old kid (i actually like it when he does that!). He is very organised. He helps me make the best decision. He compromises. He knows how to have the best fun. He doesn't care what other people think. He likes being in charge but he always asks for my opinion too. He has the best smile. his smell. his hand holding mine. he doesn't like it when i am rude. . He likes having quiet moments. He is confident about where he stands. He makes me feel very good. . He hugs me when i feel emotional. He loves his mum. He adores his dad. He cares for his sisters and brother. He wants to have kids. He plays with me.pink candle tattoos He is a fashionista. He is not afraid to be emotional. He doesn't compromise who he really is. He is a good person with a big heart. He is always ready to lend a helping hand. He does not give up. He wants to better himself. . He dreams big. He likes his blue sky. he is good (if not great) at everything he does. He is committed. he is not afraid to cry. He laughs at himself-a lot! he makes fun of me. He loves learning new things. He respects people. He lets me sleep when he was holding me. He is kind to his friends. He gives the best and the sweetest kisses. He kisses my nape. He wants me to walk next to him. He feels really really good I think. I know that there is a huge chance that he will be reading this but I seriously don't care.
31 agosto It doesn't really matter to meI am naturally nice. I admit that I do like pleasing people. At least, the people who matter to me. However...I am also not naive. I am so not stupid. I respond to things but in different ways. I don't scream. I don't demand. I don't punch. I don't curse. I usually give people what they want and sometimes it gets very hard.I've found myself looking stupid at times already and I hate it. I don't like what I SEE and I don't like what I HEAR. What better way than to spend it with the ones who don't just say they care but who really, really, really do. My biggest learning from that incident? I am not stupid though. Definitely not naïve. I just want the truth. I am usually a jolly and gracious girl...I want him to be happy. I want him to have everything that he deserves and everything that he wants to have. I am not running away from him and most importantly after him because I am confident in the fact that he is okay. 27 agosto Let me enumerate someIt has officially been a long time since I last wrote here. A lot of things have happened and I surely am not gonna get into details.
Let me enumerate some, if not all, the lessons I've learnt:
1. I really do value my personal time.
2. I am really not a talker.
3.Some men can be disgusting creatures...
4. ...but some men are just completely adorable.
5.Money really isn't everything. 6. Families are always good fun. 7.Cleanliness really is next to godliness. 8. Some are missed, some are not.
9. Change is inevitable.
10.Some people are just scared of silence. I'm very lucky that I am not.
11. Do what you really want to do, and not what others want or expect of you.
12.Kindness and sincerity are my favourite traits.
13. There is no need to be afraid.
14. Laziness is a big no no for me.
15. I want and need and hope for a man who can make me laugh. Even if it is sometimes laughing at me!
16.True love always wins. |
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